Steps to good family systems

Elizabeth believes that families often need to revisit the steps below in order to keep family life running efficiently.  Create family rituals and traditions Family members share a sense of belonging when participating in regular rituals such as Sunday roast dinners, camps at Easter time, lunch at grandma’s, church involvement etc. Fond childhood memories help foster family connectedness; as adults we then tend to repeat these traditions in our own family.

Strengthen father–son & daughter relationships.   Regular father–son and daughter time is important when families are separated and fathers’ work long hours.  Fathers are important male role models to their sons as they are largely responsible for the type of men they become. For father to play more with their children i.e. kick football and show respect to women.

To encourage the under-involved parent (typically the father) to play a more leading role in the discipline/parenting of their children.
When parents recognize that one parent is under-involved in discipline i.e. leaving the discipline to the other.  The other parent (usually the mother) then compensates by being over-involved in the discipline, resulting in a good cop and bad cop scenario.  Try and rebalance these responsibilities in order to support each other.

To put effort into nurturing the couple relationship.   Often couple time is neglected at the expense of busy lives, too tired, baby-sitter arrangements etc. To nurture one’s marriage, it is useful to communicate that you acknowledge, respect and appreciate each other’s contributions. Arrange a baby-sitter on a regular basis, go out as couple and share a meal at least once a month.

To encourage your partner and self to pursue individual pursuits and interests.  Giving permission for personal space to pursue interests such as golf, scrap booking and craft says that as a couple we value each other’s time to rest and unwind.

For siblings to band together.  As parents it is important that we encourage siblings to spend time together on family holidays, sharing play station, the computer etc.  We expect them to gang up on us parents!

Maintain contact with grandparents and extended family members.   For children to know their extended family through telephone contact and visits gives them a sense of understanding their ancestry and family history. Even the quirky traits and family secrets offer us an intergenerational perspective.